A Tale Of Two Sirens

Y’all ain’t never seen a long dick?!…

The funniest thing happened at work today.

I came back from my lunch break to find the ladies from my team giggling to themselves and most of them were blushing!

I was tres confused because obviously something had gotten them in such a tizzy for them to be acting like teenage girls.

I asked them what the matter was and they told me…or rather, showed me.

Side note: One of the ladies’ husband goes on a golf tour every year with his buddies. Each year, the guys from the golf group send their wives a picture of a naked buff man “in case they ever felt lonely”. 

This year the picture that was circulated was of a man who was hung like a fucking horse. His dick was huge.

What made me laugh was that the ladies were all discussing whether any body could ever had a dick that big. They didn’t think so.

But I know for a fact it’s possible.

His name is Tyrone. (It’s not really)

I met him during University. 

He retook my virginity. 

Yes, I said it. He retook my virginity. As in, it wasn’t there before we fucked, but his dick created it in my ninny and then retook it! 

Not. Fun. At. All.

Like, who the fuck ever said big dicks were the best? They fucking lied.

My ninny and I don’t want again. Ever.

Average Joes are all welcome to Ninnyville™, but like not all of them cuz I ain’t no hoe. 

It’s me, Siren B

ox

P.s. I nearly died of laughter when one of the ladies at work let slip 45 minutes later that she couldn’t get the image out of her head and it was all she’d been thinking about. I almost called Tyrone to come see to her needs because clearly her man at home wasn’t.

Nigga say whaaat?…

Yep, it’s that time again.

Here’s the best of this week’s messages (it’s a long one):

This here is a prime example of a when a white nigga doesn’t know how to flirt with a sister.

I just wasn’t in the mood. He was short, ugly and not what I deserve in life.

Last time I checked, my name wasn’t ‘google’ bruv.

If you knew you spelt it wrong, why didn’t you check for the correct spelling? That’s just fucking lazy.

This guy was the daddy of all clowns. He kept hounding me to give him my number so he could send me his picture. He assured me he would delete it after but I told him there was no reason to have it at all.

Before you see the next set of pictures, I feel that I should mention that they have in no way been fabricated. What you’re about to witness ACTUALLY took place.

The confusion was/is too real. I actually couldn’t continue conversing with this guy because I was laughing so hard. 

What I want to know is which wizard put my picture somewhere for all these crazies to come and find me.

Who did I upset? Really and truly, I want to know.

Not on anyone any time soon (unless both sets of genitalia are about the sexy time).

It’s me, Siren B

ox

Am I a bad person?…

Here’s what you should consider before answering:

A very good friend of mine is having a leaving BBQ this weekend. (good music, alcohol and meat…need I say more?)

I’m off to see a lady about making the transition from ‘sasquatch’s secret love child’ to ‘Siren B with the smooth, sexy legs (and ninny)’

Another friend of mine will be at the festivities. He has made it no secret that he would very much like to scratch his itch with me (nothing more than collecting an orgasm here people).

It has been a veryyyy dry two/three months for Siren B. Visitors to Ninnyville™ have been at an all time low of zero (not counting my pretty-in-pink, motorised friend, Bernie).

Now that you have all the facts, would I be a terrible person if I dragged the boy away to a secret part of the house for about 20 mins and got myself a quick O?

Cuz. I. Am. Horny.

Answers please.

It’s me, Siren B

ox

Is this what I deserve in life?

Sometimes, I really can’t with niggas.

‘Nick’ was hired to do a job that I work quite closely with (not my paid job, just something on the side). He wasn’t there three weeks and he started expressing an interest in me.

Before I continue, let me describe what he looks like. 

He’s the same height as me- I’m already a shortish chick so if a guy is my height, I’m not really sure where the relationship is supposed to go.

He is a slight fellow- I’m not even talking lean, I’m talking puberty hasn’t hit yet.

He has really bad body odour- Mate, you’re 27 and you still don’t know what anti-perspirant is?

Amidst all of that I entertained the idea for all of three seconds before my sanity returned to me (it had been during a dry season and my ninny just wanted some attention). I told him I was only interested in working together and that would be it.

He told me he was okay with that.

Then he started saying he couldn’t go on like this because he was in love with me. 

Then he told me to find him a wife (bitch, do I look like my name is eHarmony?)

Then he said if I couldn’t find him one, I should be his wife.

Then he proposed to me via text…even though he had no money to buy me a ring (his actual words).

I kindly told him to fuck the hell off and went about my life.

Then I get a message from him saying he needs time to reflect so he’s fucking off to another part of UK for like 6 months. Except, he hasn’t finished the job he was hired to do.

What is pissing me off is that during the three seconds I entertained the idea of him, I had warned him that this would happen if anything happened between us and it didn’t work out. 

He told me I should give him a little more credit because he was more mature than that.

Apparently not.

Like, why put all this extra pressure on my head because you like my lips red and the way my ass looks in jeans??

Give me a vanilla babe any day of the week.

Seriously seething,

It’s me, Siren B

ox 

Circle of life…

I got rid of a whole list of e-dating potentials, only to end up with another. But I guess that’s how the dating game is played, right?

This time we have:-

• Dr Smooth- this nigga is one persistent motherfucker. We talked for a few days but after a while, I was upfront with him and told him I wasn’t interested. He’s a good looking guy and all, but I just wasn’t interested in the sickly sweetness of his messages. Like, why are you sending me a “Good morning, the first thing I thought of today was your smile and it immediately brightened up my day” message? Will you relax? We don’t know anything about each other and my smile (from a picture might I add) already brightens up your day? Nevertheless he refused to let me go. He said he wouldn’t stop messaging me and at first I was creeped out but once he calmed down and started sending me normal messages, he turned out to be an alright guy.

• Daddy Cool- He’s an older guy in his mid 30s (35), he’s tall, fucking sexy and he’s American yo!!! He messaged me because he’s coming down to London for the Olympics and wants to hook up with me. After a few back and forths between us, I am so on it!! His banter is on point and he assures me older guys have all the stamina in the world. I’m looking forward to finding out if this is true. Only thing that worries me is that he said he wants to eat my ass (rimming). Can anyone confirm whether this is werf it? Cuz like, it’s not my ninny innit…it’s my bum.

• TDH (tall, dark and handsome)- this is still in its early stages so there’s not much to say about him, but he is hella fine. And he plays American football which is really interesting considering we’re British. I guess time will tell…

Funnily enough ‘the bartender’ (from the last list) made it to this list as well, but he is on thin ice. As fine as he is, if he doesn’t get off his broke ass and come down to London to give me all the wonderful half Irish-half Italian sexing he keeps promising me, his name won’t be making any other appearances, either on my phone or this blog.

Going around and around,

It’s me, Siren B

ox

P.s the question about rimming is legit. I’d appreciate some answers, cheers.